So Much Like Falling
by NighStar
Summary: Just a little story. About a girl. How he hurts her, how she copes
1. Falling Apart

Bleep, bleep, bleep. 

The loud blaring shocked me quickly out of my dream. I sat up confused, looking for the source of the noise. Oh. There it is. Smacking it quickly, before it could wake anyone else up, I jumped out of bed and stretched.

Grabbing a towel, I ran down the hall towards the bathroom, and twisted the knobs deftly on my way past. Letting the water warm up, I looked in the mirror and sighed. My make-up had smudged, making it look like I was a raccoon. Great.

Pulling off my pj's, I jumped into the shower and shivered as the warm water hit my cold skin. Sighing, I tilted my head back letting the warm water wash everything away. I didn't even hear the door open.

Stepping out of the shower, nearly twenty minutes later, I bent down to pick up the towel. Straightening, I saw my father.

"Shit! Dad, I'm in the goddamn shower! Can you get out, like _now_?" I screeched, hurrying to cover myself. He looked at me through the foggy mirror.

"Raina, I will leave when I am good and fucking ready. I have a meeting, so I'm shaving, _then_ I will leave." He snarled. I let my face go blank, letting his snarled words wash right over me, barely listening.

"Yeah, whatever Dad." I muttered, and reached beside him for my hair dryer and makeup case, accidentally brushing his shoulder.

"_Raina_!" He roared, and shoved me backwards. I squeaked and ran out of the bathroom. It's not even eight o'clock yet! I thought angrily as I plugged my dryer in and turned it on. Turning off the dryer, I heard a knock at my door.

"What?" I snarled, already in no mood for people.

"Come on Rain, let me in," it was Aly, my twin sister, although we couldn't be more different. She was into science and math, while I was into music and art. She kept her back hair long and wavy, mine was short, and spiky, with a bright blue chunk. But even though we were insanely different, we were always there for each other, especially when it came to Dad.

"Yeah, come in Aly." I called, making my way to my closet. She opened the door and sat on my bed, pushing off extra clothing and pillows.

"What did you do to aggravate Dad _this _early in the morning, dear?" She asked, watching me rummage though my closet, looking for a pair of Capri's.

"Basically, I breathed. What's it like outside?" I answered.

"Oh. He's in one of those moods hmm? It's warm and sunny. No clouds," she answered. Oh goody, I thought. I had the perfect outfit in mind.

"Well, I would assume so, Aly, he's got a meeting." I explained, "HaHA!" I pulled out a pair of black capris and held them up triumphantly. Aly turned her back, and I pulled them on. Fixing the chains that hung from almost every available hook, (I so added the chains myself hehe) I pulled a belt through the loops and fastened it. Aly turned around again.

"Oh, Rain, do you have to wear that kind of thing?" She asked shaking her head. I looked at her.

"No,"

"So why then?"

"Because I can,"

"Oh." I sighed and shook my head. We had almost the exact same conversation every morning. Turning back to my closet, I sorted though the pile, this time looking for a shirt. Smiling in satisfaction, I pulled out a red corset and held it to my chest.

"What do you think Aly?" I asked. She sighed and turned around again. Pulling the straps over my shoulders, I turned to her to help zip it up.

"I don't know Rain…I think it's missing something." Aly commented. I rolled my eyes.

"Well gee, aside from shoes, makeup and accessories, I have no clue." Sticking her tongue out at me, Aly surprised me. She went over to my closet and searched through my clothing. Straightening, she held out a skirt. I gaped. It would definetly look better than my capris.

"Wait. Aly. I've been looking for that forever. Where was it?" I asked.

"Behind your converse shoe boxes. On the floor." She answered, throwing it at me and turning around, again.

I pulled off the capris and pulled a pair of fishnet I'd seen lying on the floor by my bed. I stood there for a second, fixing my chains, when dad burst in.

"_Raina_!" He roared. Oh. Shit.


	2. Everyone Lies

As he yelled, I dropped quickly to the floor, hiding my body.

"Goddammit Dad! I'm changing! Would it kill you to knock occasionally?!" I yelled. Aly gasped and threw a shoe at my head. Dad's face grew a little redder, and his blue eyes bulged out a little more.

"Don't you mouth at me, missy. I brought you into this world, I'll take you out of it!" He ran his hands through his already messy black hair, making it stick out. I rolled my eyes.

_When I said good morning  
I was lying  
I was truly thinking of  
How I might quit waking up_

"Well, funny enough dad, it wasn't you who went through 19 hours of labor, to bring out twins. Last time I checked, that was Mom, not you Dad" I snarled at him, "but then you went and killed her, so she's not here to back up your story, now is she?"

"Raina!!" Aly hissed, appalled. Mom was a taboo subject, and we were never to talk about her, or else. Telling dad he'd killed her was even worse.

_  
__He pointed out how selfish  
It would be to kill myself  
So I keep waking up_

"Raina!" This time it was dad yelling my name. Almost spitting in rage he threw my door open wider and walked into my room. Aly jumped away from the closet and sat beside me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders.

"No, Dad, she didn't mean it! She's just tired, she doesn't realize anything yet!" Aly yelped as her dragged me to my feet.

Looking up at him, I barely even flinched as he yelled in my face. I just let him yell, let him hit me, and I just stood there, taking it. Not saying a word, not moving, barely even blinking. It was like my mind shut down when he was like this.

It feels so much like falling  
Dying while I wait to die  
The fear of something or nothing  
Lonely empty lie 

"Raina. Rain. Come on sis get up. Please, Rain. He's gone to work now," I blinked and looked around. Dad was gone. In his place was Aly, and she looked worried.

"Yeah. Yeah, Aly, I'm good. Go away; let me finish getting dressed. School is soon." She looked at me once more and left, closing my door softly behind her. Sighing, I pulled the skirt on, and fastened the belt.

Going back to my closet, I reached in and pulled out my favorite pair of combat boots. Pulling them on, I fixed the fishnet and laced them up to just under my knees.

Standing up, I felt a little better. Taller definitely. The boots added another inch to my five foot five inches.

Turning to the mirror I looked at my outfit. Suddenly tears came to my eyes, and I couldn't explain why. Then the tears were replaced by anger.

_I don't want to be here, lying  
I don't want to be selfish anymore  
I want so much to change  
Learning your love everyday  
There's still so much to know_

_  
_"Bye, Rain, I'm going to school!" Aly yelled, and a minute later I heard the front door slam shut, echoing in the empty house.

"_I hate this!_" I screamed, punching the wall. Pain blossomed in my knuckles and I screamed again. Suddenly I stopped and looked in the mirror again. I hated my reflection. The tears running down my face threw me over the edge. Now, normally I'm not an emotional person. I keep my emotions under control, and keep it inside. So what happened next, it wasn't what I usually did after my dad and I fought.

_You grip my wrists  
I let go_

I punched the mirror. Watching the cracks ripple across the surface, and the bits of glass fall out made me feel better. Then the pain in my hand started again. Closing my eyes, I focused on the pain.

_It feels so much like falling  
Separated from the fear  
Aware of a destination far away from here_

Half an hour later, I'd finished cleaning up the bits of broken mirror, and put them in a plastic bag. I'm not sure why I did it, but as I was trying the garbage bag, I stopped. Reaching in, I felt carefully around, until my fingers closed around a good sized piece of the broken glass. Pulling it out, I put it on my bedside table and continued on with my morning. 

It feels so much like falling  
Separated from the fear  
Aware of a destination far away from here  
Far away from here

**AN: the song is Much Like Falling - by Flyleaf**


	3. Putting Yourself Back Together

I made it to school about five minutes before the bell rang. Ignoring the stares and the whispers I walked through the halls, heading quickly to the back of the school. Halfway to where I needed to be, a jock stepped in front of me.

"Hey where you think your going through my school emo slut?" He asked. I rolled my eyes and his friends laughed as I tried to step around him. "Bitch, I wasn't finished with you!" He snarled. I looked up at him for the first time.

"Oh fuck off Josh, I don't even want to deal with you this morning." I snapped and pushed by him. Barely looking at anyone else, I almost ran to my side of the school.

_Here's to the ones who don't give up  
Here's to the ones who don't give up_

_Here's to the ones who don't give up_

_  
This is your anthem, get your hands up  
We are fire inside, we are lipstick and cleats  
We are not going home, we are playing for keeps  
We are girls with skinned knees, we are concrete and grace  
We are not what you think, you can't keep us in our place_

"Rain!" someone called. I turned and smiled at who it was.

"Hi Mel!" I cried, running up to her. Reaching her, almost without stopping I threw my arms around her in a hug.

"Ahhhh hey. What's up?" she asked.

"Ohhh not much, just the usual. You?" I asked, but she didn't answer. Weaving a hand in front of her face I asked, "Mel? You still among the living here?" She blinked.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm still here. But Rain, look at _that" _she said, and I followed her gaze. When I finally caught sight of who she'd wanted me to see, I stopped dead in my tracks. He was hot. I mean drop dead gorgeous.

He was about six feet tall, with black hair, that looked like it went down to his shoulders, but you couldn't really tell, because it had a windswept look, making him look like he was constantly being buffeted by a strong wind. As he walked, a black trenchcoat, decorated with chains and buttons flapped in his wake, revealing a pair of converse and skinnies.

Suddenly he stopped and looked back at us standing in the halls like a pair of idiots. Turning, we saw that he had bright electric blue eyes, and a touch of eyeliner.

"Mel!" I hissed, "go talk to him!" and with that I shoved her towards him. She walked towards him slowly, and introduced herself. He smiled and told her his name. Then, with one last look over her shoulder Mel and the new guy walked down the hall.

_Here's to the girls on their boards with bruises and scars  
Here's to the girls whose fingers bleed from playin guitar  
Here's to anyone who never quit when things got hard  
You'll never let them say you'll never get that far  
_

By the time I'd gotten to where my friends and I hang out, there was only about 3 minutes before the bell. Moving fast, I snuck up behind my best friend, Xavier, and covered his eyes, much to the annoyance of his girlfriend, Lucy.

"Boo." I told him.

"You know," he told me, "it's really gonna suck when you do that, and I'm not who you think I am, Rain" he let go of Lucy's hand and turned around to say hi properly.

"Well, Xav, since you're the only one I know that looks just like you, I'd have to say slim chance" I told him. Lucy glared daggers at me, and I rolled my eyes at Xav. He shrugged his shoulders and turned back to her. I rolled my eyes and went to talk to Maddie.

"Rain! What's up?" she asked happily, giving me a quick hug.

"Oh not too much, just the usual crap. You?" I answered. The bell rang, loud and insistent, right above our heads. We both jumped and laughed at our own stupidity.

English class was its regular boring self. I'd failed it last year, so had to take it again. Luckily, I sat with one of my friends from grade nine. Unfortunately, she wasn't here today. Sitting through English is easy. I just sit there, with one headphone in my ear and daydreamed. The teacher basically forgot to expect anything from me because when I actually did my work, it was always done well, so I had somewhere around an 80 in that class. When the bell rang, I was glad. That was one of the most boring classes this year. We'd been reading Shakespeare, but I'd read the book, and it bored me last year too. Then I spotted Xav, and hurried up, boots thudding with each step.

_We are fire inside, we are an army asleep  
We are a people awaking to follow their dreams  
We don't have time for your games  
We have our own goals to score  
There are trophies to win instead of being one of yours_

"Xav, hold up a second man," I yelled to him. He stopped and turned around, blue eyes on fire.

"What do you want Raina? Another chance to bitch about my girlfriend?" He snarled. I stopped dead.

"Hold up, Xav, I don't know what you're talking about. I try not to say nothin' bout Lucy. You get mad when I do." I answered, tilting my head in confusion. He just glared at me.

"I know you don't fucking like her, but did you have to fucking spread shit about her?" He spat, even angrier. I shrank back. I'm not really scared of Xav, even though he's somewhere around twice my size, but I know he won't ever hurt me. We'd reached the corner where we separated. I went off to math, and he went off to science. I stopped walking and turned towards him.

"Xavier, I do not know what the hell you are talking about. Why don't you tell me, and then we can fix it. I haven't done anything to your stupid little whore, and I don't plan to, okay?" I snarled. I was really in no mood for people, and Xav, who usually made my day, was ruining it.

_ Here's to the girls on their boards with bruises and scars  
Here's to the girls whose fingers bleed from playin guitar  
Here's to anyone who never quit when things got hard  
You'll never let them say you'll never get that far_

"Goddammit Rain, you know exactly what I mean. You know exactly what you did, and I don't know why, but you do!" He was yelling now, and people began to look at us.

"Xavier, I _don't fucking know_ so why don't you explain it to me? I haven't done anything!" I yelled in his face, "Maybe next time, before you come fucking spazzing at me you get the whole story hey? Maybe then I'll understand and you wouldn't be standing here looking like a fucking idiot. You fucking got me? So back the fuck off because it's already a bad day, and you're only making it worse. Again!"

Apparently it was going to be a bad day. I knew it already. Well no, I'd known since I woke up. I just should have gone back to bed. Maybe then I wouldn't have pushed Xav so far, maybe then I wouldn't have yelled and screamed. Oh well.

"Goddammit Rain, you think you are top dog around here, but you know what, you aren't. You're just a fucked up little girl who dresses in black, and wears eyeliner. You're just a pretender. You pretend to be emo, you pretend to have a bad home life, you pretend about every thing!" He yelled, pushing himself right up in my face. I barely even flinched. I could feel myself slipping away, and his voice was getting quieter, his face becoming blurrier. But then, everything came back into focus real fast, along with a sharp stinging pain. Xav hit me.

_Here's to the ones who don't give up  
Here's to the ones who don't give up_

_Here's to the ones who don't give up_

"Xavier…" I whispered, bringing my hand to my cheek. He looked stricken, all the fight gone out of him. I backed away from him, not watching where I was going.

"No, no, Rain- I'm sorry- I didn't-" he tried to fix it.

"Okay Xav…Okay. If that's how you think you need to get my attention, that's fine." Tears filled my eyes. I can't believe it. Xavier, my best friend, the only guy I've ever trusted that much, actually hit me. He's not a violent guy, I don't understand.

"No, Rain, please-" he called as I turned and walked away, "Rain, come back! Please, just – let me explain!" I kept walking away, not looking back. Head down, music on, I tripped my way down the stairs, barely seeing who was there, barely answering the greetings of my friends. Reaching the bottom of the stairs, I turned to the left, making my way to the math department. Sliding in about two minutes before the bell, I slid into my seat and kept my head down.

_  
This is your anthem (anthem)  
_

Lunch came. Inevitable, unwelcome, and now seemed longer than ever. I sat through my class, not taking notes, not talking, and answering only when spoken to, even then only in a whisper. When lunch came around. I walked to my locker, head still down, ignoring anyone and everyone. I didn't even hear the jeers of the twelfth graders, or the greetings from my friends. Because I was walking so slowly, I was the last one to arrive in the locker bay. The walked to the end of the rows, the blue and white lockers moving by so slowly, the posters of drug abuse not even making sense anymore. Reaching the end of the locker bay, I looked around. There, in the small space between the lockers and the wall were most of my friends. It was a comfortable enough spot, you sat down and if you were just around five-foot three you could sit up and stretch your legs. It was where we all hung out, Maddie Mel Xav Lucy Chris Joyce Alexis Alex, a few other people, and I. They are my life. I love them all to death, except maybe Lucy, but still. Sitting down next to Maddie, I poked her in the knee.

"What's up Maddie?" I asked. She looked at me, knowing something was wrong, but I didn't bring it up, so she let it go.

"Oh, not much, just doing my math homework. Again," she answered. She had math right after lunch, the same teacher I had, actually, but I hadn't paid attention, so I couldn't give her the answers. Maddie never does her math at home, but waits till lunch to do it, all the time.

"Mmm, sounds like fun," I told her. I looked over her shoulder, at Xav, just as he leaned down to kiss his girlfriend, "Oh, ew, Maddie, he's actually kissing that, in _public_. Oh EW"

_  
Here's to the girls on their boards with bruises and scars  
Here's to the girls whose fingers bleed from playin guitar  
Here's to anyone who never quit when things got hard  
You'll never let them say you'll never get that far_

By the time lunch was over, I had successfully avoided Xav, finished my science homework, and had my book for history. History class was a lot of fun. I sit behind Alex, and he makes me laugh, all the time. He's basically a bundle of fun. So, halfway through the class, he'd obviously figured out what was wrong, and so, asked me.

I knew Alex wouldn't judge, or yell, he would sit there, and offer his opinion. And he didn't yell or judge. He sat there, like a stone, brown eyes flashing. It was kind of creepy, cause I knew he was mad, but what could Alex do about it? It was over and done with, wasn't it?

"Oh, Rain, I'll kill him. I swear I'll kill him," Alex snarled and pulled me into a big bear hug.


	4. Running From The Pain

1

"No, Alex, it's fine. It doesn't matter anyways." I told his chest, I couldn't move, but I didn't really want to either way. He was warm and comfortable and safe...kind of like Xavier had been. I sighed, remembering.

"No, Rain, hun, it's not fine. I don't know why he'd automatically assume-" he started.

"It's cause I hate Lucy and he knows it." I mumbled. And I did, I really hated her guts. She was such a fake, with her tight clothes, and fake smile. Pretending to be nice to everyone, but the minute they leave saying how much she hates said person. Now she was with Xavier. Ew. He thought I was jealous. That in itself was a laugh. Me, jealous of her? No. Okay, well sorta. She's like...insanely pretty, and she gets whoever she wants, whenever she wants them. I'm not..and I can't. But that would make any girl jealous. You know, except for the fact that she's a tenth grader, and he was an eleventh grader.

"But, Rain, everyone hates her. Not just you. Why does he care so much what you of all people think of her?" Alex was confused, and rightly so. He let me go and stepped back, but was still very close. It was hard to think with Alex around. He is insanely cute. Tall, with black hair, that he cut short in the back himself, his bangs covering some of his face. His eyes were a beautiful chocolate brown, and he had a big smile, and most everyone (who could get past the fact that he wore eyeliner and skinny jeans) liked him. He's pretty easy to get along with. But he has a girlfriend, and so, unattainable

"I don't know Alex. It's confusing." I told him. It was, really. Our friendship lately had been...strained. I don't know why, and I stopped caring a while ago. Our friendship basically depended on his mood or current girlfriend. Yes, he is a slut. Everyone knows it.

"Excuse me, is this a new summative option?" a voice came from behind me, and I jumped.

"Oh geez, Miss, way to scare us!" Alex told her, laughing a bit.

"Well, then, you should have been doing your summative now, shouldn't you?" She asked, but we knew she wasn't really mad. Ms. D was a cool teacher, and knew we were working, and we'd just gotten a little distracted. We both nodded and she walked away, over to Josh and his girlfriend who were sitting at the back of the library

"So, anyway, what were we talking about?" Alex asked.

"We were discussing how you weren't going to do anything to Xavier. You were going to leave it to me." I told him pointedly. He looked at me.

"Okay, if that's what you want, love," He shook his head and turned back to his computer. The rest of history was okay. Alex told Chris, but I didn't really mind because Chris is my best friend in the entire world. We grew up together, and our families were friends, well his mom was friends with mine, until mom passed away. We know everything about every aspect of each other's lives. Anyways. After Alex told Chris, they spent the res of the class sitting beside me, trying to cheer me up. Chris even got on one knee, held my hand and said,

"Oh my dear Raina, please be happy. I cannot stand it when you are not." it was actually really funny. I laughed and he sat back in his chair, still holding my hand. Alex saw this, but chose not to comment, just raised his eyebrow at me. I smiled and continued on with my work. I knew it didn't mean anything, Chris was just trying to make me feel better. It was working, but his hand was very warm compared to my cold one, so I didn't let go.

Eventually, the bell rang, and we were out for the day. Gathering up my books and putting them in my bag, I glanced up and saw Xav waiting at the library door. He saw me looking at him and waved me over. I wanted to go, go and hear his reason for being an ass. But I couldn't. Alex saw him too and glared. I rolled my eyes and threw my bag over my shoulder and took Chris' hand and walked out of the library, right by Xavier, who's eyes darkened at the sigh of us holding hands. I tossed my head and continued walking.

"So, what are you going to do after school?" Chris asked, ignoring Xav behind us.

"Go home, I have to. Dad's going to be there." I answered. He knew what that meant.

"Okay, call me if you need anything, okay?" He told me, heading off to his locker, a row away from mine. I nodded, and headed down the row to my locker.

When I got to my locker, I pulled my headphones from around my neck and put them in my ears. I turned my ipod on and music filled my ears. As the lead singers screaming got louder, I pulled out my jacket and closed my locker. Turning around to leave, I came face to face with Xavier. No. I shook my head and tried to push past him, but he grabbed my arm. Pulling out one of my headphones so I could hear him, I snarled,

"Goddammit Xavier, leave me alone. Don't you think you've done enough damage? Let me go or I swear I'll-"

"You'll what Rain? You know you wont hurt me." he was so arrogant! Just because I haven't hurt him before, it doesn't mean I wont! He's one of my best friends. You don't usually make a habit out of hurting them.

"Fuck you Xavier."

"Maybe later," he smirked. ARGH. That's it!

"Just leave me alone Xavier." I spat, and turned and walked away. I walked right out the doors in the back of the locker bay, out into the cold. Shivering I pulled my jacket on and went to the bus stop. Chris, Alex, Maddie, and Mel were already there.

"Mel! How did that guy go?" I asked her, plastering a smile across my face. She beamed.

"Oh my God Rain, he's positively perfect. He likes to draw, and he loves the same music I do, and, and, and, OHMIGOD there he is!" she yelped, pointing. There he was. He was walking towards the bus stop, black coat flapping in the icy wind. Mel waved to him, and he waved back.

"Mel, what's his name?" I asked under my breath as he got closer.

"Dan" she muttered back, "Rain don't do it. You'll make an idiot of yourself again."

"Oh Mel, you know I'm an idiot by nature. It's how I roll" I told her. As he walked by, I stepped in front of him.

"Hi! My name's Raina, but call me Rain. I don't know if you remember me from this morning, but I was with Mel." I told him happily. He obviously fell for it. He looked at me like I was a complete alien.

"Hey, wait, yeah, I remember you. Hi Raina, my name is Dan," he had a nice voice, deep and slow, and very comforting. Oh yeah. I could see why Mel liked him.

"Nice, nice. What bus are you takin'?" I asked him.

"Uhhh, I'm supposed to take the 130. That one up there," he said, pointing to the bus that was on it's way up the hill towards our stop.

"Hey! Mel takes that one too! You guys can sit together. She'll have someone interesting to talk to. Mel!" I called. She came over, blushing as she almost stumbled.

"Uhm...Hi." Dam mumbled.

"Hi..." She answered, looking up at him with a smile. He smiled back, and seemed to loosen up.

"Mel, Dan's gonna sit with you on the bus, because he takes the same one as you do, so you don't have to talk to your crazy stalker. Okay?" I asked. She nodded, black hair shaking in time with her nods. I nudged her.

"Mel, dear, he gets it," I whispered in her ear. She blushed and stopped nodding. The big red and white bus pulled up, screeching to a stop. Dan and Mel both winced and covered they're ears with their hands. Pulling out her bus pass, Mel winked at me and jumped on the bus.

Satisfied, I turned back to Chris, Alex and Maddie.

"Sorry guys. Had to do some matchmaking over there," I told them. Maddie laughed and Chris looked amused.

"Good job Rain, I'm sure Mel appreciates it." Maddie told me, still laughing.

"Yeah, sure, except she did all the work, I just pushed her over to him," I smiled. Then our bus came and we all jumped on it, and headed towards the back. As usual, Maddie got off first, then Alex, then Chris. Before he got off, he said,

"Rain, I'm serious, if you need anything, call me, okay? I'll be there in a flash. I promise," he had a weird look in his eyes, but before I could answer, the bus had stopped and he was walking away down the street towards his house. I shook my head and waited for my stop to come.

When I got home, dads car was already in the driveway. I sighed, and trudged up the stone pathway to the porch. I didn't even make it inside. Dad was sitting on the rocking chair, drinking a beer. I tried to be nice, I really did.

"Hello Dad, how are you?" I asked quietly.

"What? I can't hear you when you mumble, speak louder! Like your sister. Like your mother did!" His words were slightly slurred and his voice was sluggish. I sighed.

"Sorry Dad," I told him and walked into the house. Suddenly I was filled with sadness. I hate this. I get home and Dad's there, totally piss fucking drunk, and then Aly and I have to take care of him, ignore his temper and somehow get dinner into him, then make sure he actually gets to bed. He's been like this since mom died. It wasn't really his fault. The roads were wet, but he did have to much to drink. But why wont he get over it?! I wanted my real father back, the one who used to laugh with me, make jokes, and actually care. Now he's temperamental, and drinks too much.

My thoughts turned to the piece of mirror on my night stand. It glinted brightly in the winter light. I picked it up and pushed my thumb against the tip. No. I changed my mind and took the tip from my thumb. Instead I pulled off my wristbands and bracelets and pressed it against the inside of my wrist. Closing my eyes, I pressed down harder and dragged it across my wrist. Pain and blood blossomed immediately from the cut.

The only problem with the piece of glass was that the pain it produced was a good type of pain. It made me feel better, like everything was okay and nothing was falling apart. Least of all my friendships.

Then the pain faded to a dull throbbing, and reality came crashing back down all around me. No, I wanted my fantasy world back. So moving next to the first cut, I pushed even harder and dragged across my wrist.

The pain was even greater this time, and there was more blood. It ran down the side of my wrist. Shit. Shit shit shitshitshit. Holding my hand above my head, I ran quickly into the bathroom and locked the door behind me. The blood was dripping now, staining the white ceramic a deep red. I was panicking now. The blood kept dripping and I didn't know what to do. Thinking fast, I grabbed a red washcloth and wrapped it around my wrist.Pulling with my one good hand, I out my cell with my other hand, I dialed.

"Hello?"

"Oh my God Chris help me," I pleaded.

"Oh no, Rain, honey, what's wrong? Hold on, okay, I'll be right there. Where are you?" He asked. His voice shook as he added, "is it your dad?"

"No, no Chris, not my dad, he's out on the front step. I'm at home. Just, please?" I shook my head.

"Okay, I'm on my way," there was a click, and he'd hung up. I leaned against the door and slid down, bringing my knees to my chest. After about two minutes, I noticed that the piece of mirror was still clenched in my fist. I held it up and looked at it, reflecting the light into corners.

I couldn't help myself. I didn't even tell my hand to move. I unwrapped the towel and slashed downwards. I bit my lip and smacked my head against the tub trying not to cry out in pain. I'm such an idiot! I screamed at myself in my head.

Dimly I heard the door slam open, and Chris calling my name. I stood up, opened the door and walked to the top of the stairs just as he was coming up. He looked up at me and stopped dead on the stairs, grabbing the railing to keep from falling down. I guess I looked pretty intense, tears running down my face, smudging my eyeliner, still in my combat boots; I'd forgotten to take them off, with blood running down my hand, dripping off my fingertips onto the hardwood.

"Shit Raina, what did you do?" He almost screamed. I flinched and shook my head.

"Raina, honey, you two okay up there?" It was Dad. He sounded a little better. Chris looked at me, then looked back down the stairs.

"Yes, sir, we're okay, Rain just needed help with her history." he called back. I blinked in relief.

"Okay. You kids behave, I'm going to the store okay, be back soon! Tara you know the rules!" he told me. I had to find my voice. Chris looked at me, confused.

"That's Mom's name, remember?" I whispered to Chris. Dad was apparently worse off than I'd thought. We waited till we heard the door slam and the car start up and back out of the driveway.

"Okay, Raina, you have some explaining to do." Chris told me. Shit. He was mad. "But after we fix this, okay." I nodded mutely and he walked by me to the bathroom.

"I-," my voice cracked and I cleared my throat and tried again, "Chris...I'm sorry." He looked at me, blue eyes sad. But he didn't say anything more.

"Okay, Raina, come here," he pulled me over to the sink and grabbed my arm gently and held it under the running water. I yelped in pain and tried to pull away, but Chris held tight. I looked down as the warm water washed away the drying blood. As the cuts became clean, I realized how deep I'd gone.

"Do you have any gauze?" Chris' voice broke into my reverie, and I nodded and pointed to the medicine cabinet. He rolled his eyes and muttered "duh" and continued on his search. Pulling out the roll of gauze and tape, he told me to shut the water off. I did, and almost immediately, blood took the place of the water.

"Come here, but put that towel back around your wrist. We need to dry it off good or the tape wont stick. Okay?" I nodded as he went on, "Rain, come on, you're scaring me with the no talking thing."

"Okay Chris." my voice was flat and unemotional as I wrapped the red towel back around my wrist. It stung slightly, but not much. Walking across the small bathroom, I tripped over a towel he'd thrown out of his way to get to the cabinet. Chris caught me and kept hold till he was sure I wouldn't land on my face again, as soon as he was sure, he let go and stepped back against the wall. I stood there, uncertain now. He sighed and his shoulders sagged.

"I can't stay mad at you Rain, it's literally impossible. You just scared me is all. I never thought you of all people would do..this, of all things. I don't know...I thought that if things had gotten this bad you'd have called me at least, you know? And then...to see you standing there, with all the blood and the blank eyes and...well it was scary Rain. Why'd you do it? What was so bad that you had to cut yourself over it." his voice was soft and low and right then more than anything, I just wanted to curl up in his arms and everything would be okay. But I couldn't I could only stare.

"I...I didn't mean to...I broke my mirror this morning...I kept a piece, and I don't know why." I whispered. I couldn't look at him, I was too ashamed. I had been so selfish! I didn't think about how this would affect anyone else, I only thought about my own sadness and pain.

"Why'd you break your mirror?"

"Uhm..." I didn't want to answer.

"Spit it out Rain, I wont laugh"

"Uhmm...uh, I was really mad this morning." I told him, hoping he'd believe it. He didn't.

"Come on Rain, you don't get mad, you get even." He looked at me, blue eyes serious.

"Fine Chris. I broke it because Dad got mad at me this morning and I didn't do anything and then I looked in the mirror and hated what I saw more than ever okay? That's why I broke it. I don't like what I see." I snapped, then felt bad. Chris had done nothing except try to help me, like always. I was so mad at myself, I almost missed what he was saying.

"Raina...you are one of the prettiest girls I know, why would you not like your body?" he asked, coming closer. I shook my head.

"I don't know Chris, it's just...hearing it time after time, you start to think they're right after a while,"I told him. I still couldn't look at him. He shook his head, deciding not to argue anymore.

"Okay Rain, if you think that, I know I can't change your mind, but keep in mind that I think you're really pretty. Now come here and let me put the gauze on your arm, okay?" He asked. I nodded and he took my arm holding it uo in front of him. I pulled the towel off and he sighed at how deep they were. I cut off a piece of gauze and handed it to him, and he put the tape on then pressed it gently onto my wrist. Pushing the tape into place, he let my wrist go, and opened my hand, which I realized only then that the mirror piece was still there. Chris looked at it and pulled it gently out of my hand.

"You used this? Wow, that's sharp." I looked at it. It was bloody and you could barely see anything out of it. Suddenly I yanked it out of his grip and walked across the bathroom and threw it into the wastebasket under the sink. Straightening I looked bac at Chris and smiled.

"I wont do it again, I promise." I promised. I meant it too. Yes, the pain was good, but it wasn't worth hurting Chris over. He smiled at me.

"Good job Rain."

"Raina! You home yet?" We jumped at the unexpected yelling. It was Aly. She'd come home from band.

"Yeah, we're up here Al," I called back, opening the door.

"We? Who's - oh." Aly started to laugh as she began up the stairs. I panicked.

"Rain, here," Chris whispered and threw his sweater at me. I said thanks quietly and motioned him out into the hall to go meet her

"Aly! Nothing happened and you know it. Stop laughing!" I yelled. Facing the sink I wet my fingertips under the faucet and swiped under my eyes, making it look like I only had a thin layer of eyeliner on.

"Yeah right Rain, you wish- Oh, hi Chris." I could hear the dislike in her voice. I don't know why she doesn't like him, but I don't particularly care. It's one of a few things we disagree on. I hate her airheaded whores she calls friends, she hates the idiots I'm friends with. It doesn't matter.

"Hello Aly. Nice to see you." His voice was overly polite, almost to the point of being rude. Chris doesn't like Aly either.

"Where's Raina?" Aly snapped.

"In the- " he started.

"Right here, sorry Aly, what's up?" I asked, coming to stand beside Chris.

"Dad's home, and he's looking for you. Dinner's ready. He also wants to know if Chris is staying." I looked at Chris and he shrugged.

"Yeah. Chris'll stay, if its okay with dad, we haven't finished history yet," she nodded and went off to tell dad.

"Shall we go down then?" He asked. I nodded and he took my hand and led me down the stairs to the diningroom.

Dinner was pretty quiet, and uneventful until Dad started asking Chris all sorts of stupid questions. He had to know why Chris was here again, and why he'd come though the door half an hour after school had ended. His conclusion was that we couldn't bear to be parted for so long. Poor Chris was embarrassed and looked down at his pizza.

"Dad, that's enough. I needed help with history, so I called Chris." I snapped at him putting my glass down kind of harsh. He glared at me through red-rimmed eyes.

"Did we not have this discussion this morning young lady?! I will not be spoken too like that Raina." Dad spat. His words were slurred and his grip on the beer bottle was weak.

"I don't care if we had this discussion already, it wouldn't kill you to be nice to Chris now would it?" I snapped back. My wrist was throbbing and it wasn't helping my mood. Dad stood up, smashing his beer against the table.

"Goddammit Raina!" He yelled. I looked at Aly and she nodded.

"Fuck you Dad, okay? I'm fucking tired of this. I don't know what I've done that's bad enough to make you hate me, and I don't really care anymore okay? I don't fucking care." I spat at him. Picking up my plate, I walked out of the diningroom and into the kitchen. Covering my plate with tinfoil I threw it into the fridge and slammed the door. Turning around, I came face to face with Chris and Aly.

"I'm sorry Aly, I didn't mean to go that far." I told her. It was true, I didnt mean to, but...

"It's okay Rain. I can take care of him tonight." I looked at Chris.

"Is it okay if I bring my piece with me?" He asked. I nodded.

"Yeah, sure. I'll walk home with you, okay?" He nodded and I ran upstairs to my room and threw together an outfit for tomorrow and my makeup. Putting it in my school bag, I ran back downstairs, past the diningroom. Aly was sitting back down, and Dad barely noticed as I went by and to the front door where Chris was waiting.


	5. Strange Places

1_  
_

"You okay Rain?" Chris asked as we left thehouse, door closing quietly behind us. I nodded and looked up at him.

"Yeah, I'm good Chris.Listen, thanks for everything you'vedone, seriously," I told him.

"Rain, you know if you ever need anything, I'll be there, no matter what. Or at least, you should.No matter what..." he added, eye_s _flashing. We walked along in silence, down the centre of his lonely street. Chris lived at the very end, in the white house.

I could see his house in the distance, but only because of the bright porch lights. It was pitch black otherwise, except for the small patches of shadowy light cast by the street lamps up above us. I could see my breath every time I exhaled, it was that cold out.

"Hey, Chris, what time is it?" I asked suddenly. It couldn't be any later than about seven, could it?

"Uhm, about..._shit_! Rain, we gotta hurry. It's only five past seven, but you know my mom." Chris yelped and sped up. We reached his house about a minute later, and as we walked up the pathway, we could both hear raised voices coming from inside.

"Do you want me to come in with you?" I asked him quietly. His parents arguing was a normal thing, but that didn't make it any more pleasant. The yelling got louder for a second, and we heard the tinkle of shattered glass. He looked at the door and nodded.

"Yeah, if you wouldn't mind Rain, I'd like that," He blinked and smiled at me, the porch lights illuminating his boyish face.

_I know we've been friends forever  
But now I think I'm feeling something totally new  
And after all this time I opened up my eyes  
Now I see you were always with me_

"Come on, lets get this over with, okay?" I asked. He nodded and I took his hand in mine and we pushed open the door. His hand was warm against the chill of the night and I wondered how he always managed to stay warm no matter what.

Stepping into his warm house after the cold was a shock. Almost immediately I had to take my jacket off or suffocate.

"Chris, where have you been? You didn't call, you didn't- Oh hi Raina, honey, how are you?" Chris' mom broke off when she saw me. I guess she didn't want to yell in front of me. Chris' mom was very pretty. She was petite with strawberry blonde hair and sea green eyes. She was 43 but looked about twenty nine.

"I'm good thanks, mom, how are you?" I answered, looking her in the eyes. She hated not being looked in the eye when spoken too. She was also the only person on this planet I called mom.

"Better now I know my son is safe," she told me, with a pointed look at Chris.

"Sorry mom, I'll call next time, okay?"

"Good," she answered with a satisfied nod. Just then Chris' dad walked in. He was still a little red in the face. Like mom, dad had blonde hair, but ice blue eyes that seemed to look right through you. Unlike mom however, he was huge. Easily six feet tall, he was wide shouldered and built like a wrestler.

"Hey dad," Chris and I said simultaneously. I looked at Chris, laughed and he squeezed my hand in return. But his dad looked thunderous. Unlike mom, dad was quite okay with yelling in front of guests. Dad was a great guy...he just had a temper sometimes.

"Chris, what have we told you about not calling?" He thundered. I rushed to my friend's defence.

"Dad, dad, it's not his fault...there was trouble at home and we only just left and my dad was being..." I trailed off, hoping it would soften Chris' dad enough for us to get away. A vein in his temple throbbed purple. Ohhhhh dear.

_"Did that stop you from calling? No, I don't think so!!" _His voice was thunderous and echoed loudly in the hall. The hangars in the closet actually shook. Wow. I looked sideways at Chris, and he shook his head.

"I'm sorry dad, it wont happen again," Chris mumbled. His dad looked ready to kill. I didn't understand why, it was less than five minutes. But that was the way things were run in this house.

_Could it be you & I  
Never imagined  
Could it be suddenly I'm fallin' for you  
Could it be you were right here beside me and I never knew  
Could it be that it's true  
It's you and it's you_

"Damn right it wont happen again boy!" Dad kept shouting but I tuned him out, focussing on Chris. He just stood there, letting his dad's yelling wash right over him, nodding where he was supposed to and just taking it. He looked utterly defeated, and it hurt.

"Raina!" I flinched and looked at Chris' dad.

"Yeah dad?"

"Why is your hair still blue? Why aren't you dressed like a normal person? You look like a little whore!" I gaped in shock. Wow where had this come from? Mom looked at dad and smacked him on the arm.

"C'mon Rain, lets go," Chris said, as the shouting that followed moms defence of me ensued, pulling my hand and leading the way around his parents. I nodded and followed him. We walked quickly up stairs, but I paused on the second floor landing and looked at the pictures, like I always did.

"I like this one," I told him, pointing to the fifth grade picture of him. It was the only year we'd been in two different schools. It was a cute picture too. Smiles, no black hair, no skinny jeans. Normal, I guess you would call it. I looked over at Chris, taking him in. He'd dyed his brown hair black, and cut it so that the bangs were longer than the rest of his hair, and had a single green streak on the side. Personally, I thought it looked good on him, and it complimented his blue eyes, which were right now, outlined in a thin line of black eyeliner. Adding skinny jeans and a Marilyn Manson shirt, Chris was pretty cute. In fact...really cute. I shook my head and kept walking. Where the hell had that thought come from? Chris is NOT cute, I told myself. He is my best friend and off limits. No matter what. I kept repeating it in my head, driving all the other thoughts out.

Going into Chris' room is like heading into a whole new world. It was so different from the rest of the house, which was in whites and creams, that you forgot where you were. I think that may have been the idea though.

Throwing myself onto his bed, I lay on my stomach, facing him, legs swinging behind me.

"So what'cha wanna do?" He asked, turning the computer on, and sitting down on the blue bean bag in front of it.

"I don't even know Chris." I looked up at the pictures on the walls, which were so many in a few places they almost obscured the blue paint beneath them.

"Are you staying here tonight? I shook my head.

"I don't know...I think I'll call Maddie and maybe we'll go to that new club downtown. Wanna join?" There was a lot of pictures of his friends, and a lot of us as we were growing up. I sat up and looked closer at a picture of us when we were about nine.

"Sure, if Maddie doesn't mind. But doubt dad'll let me though," I could hear the clack of the keyboard as he logged onto msn.

"Maddie wont mind." I pulled the picture off the wall, making sure not to rip it. We were on the beach, in bathing suits. I shuddered at mine. Bright bright pink one piece, with purple polka dots all over it. The thing was hideous. Chris was in red shorts

that went down to his knees. We both had ice cream cones in our hands, mine was chocolate, his black cherry. I smiled; we still loved the same flavours. Laughing, we were staring at something behind the camera. "Remember this Chris? That was a fun day," I held the picture out to him and he took it.

_  
It's kinda funny you were always near  
But who would ever thought we'd end up here  
And everytime I need you, you've been there for me_

_Now it's clear I've been waiting for you_

"Yeah, I remember that. Our moms took us, for the carnival. You were scared of the clowns, remember?"

"Yeah, then you stood in front of one that wouldn't leave us alone and yelled at him. That was priceless." and it was too. I will never forget that day.

_**Flashback,**_

_** Bright and cheery carnival music filled the blue sky, mingled with laughter and shrieks of joy. The smell of hot dogs, popcorn and the sea in our noses and Chris standing in front of me, shaking a finger at the chest of a clown with a big red nose, rosy cheeks and bright blue painted lips, yelling,**_

_** "You leave her alone you big meanie!" I'd crouched down behind my mothers long purple skirt, hiding, terrified of the clown that wouldn't leave. Both out moms were laughing and smiling at the clown apologetically.**_

_**"Woahhh hold on there little fellow! I'm not gonna hurt her. I just wanted to know if you wanted a balloon!" The clowns voice was deep and slow. I didn't know why I was so terrified of him, but he would give me nightmares. **_

_**"Well we don't want one and you're scaring Rain so go away!" Chris kept yelling, shaking his finger at the clown. The clown sidestepped Chris and laughed, a deep echoing laugh. People were beginning to stare.**_

_**"So you're name's Rain, is it?" The clown asked, crouching down and moving closer, holding out a hand for me to take. Oh no, he was coming closer! I screamed and ran away, dropping my ice cream. Slowing down, I turned sharply, heading into the house of mirrors. I screamed again as I came face to face with my reflection. It was distorted and I was taller than usual. I panicked and ran again. Running through, I'd nearly reached the end and crouched into a corner, where the mirrors couldn't see me and I could see everyone who came through. Bringing my knees up to my chest, I wrapped my arms around them and set my head down on my makeshift pillow, shaking. Chris found me there, still shaking nearly ten minutes later. **_

_**End Flashback.**_

"Hey, hey, earth to Raina. Maddie's on the phone." I blinked and jumped off the bed over to the bean bag where Chris was holding out my cell phone.

"How'd you get my cell?" I asked, taking it from him.

"**Hey, Raina, I just called your house and Aly said you'd left! What happened hon?" **Hearing Maddie's voice was definetly a good thing.

**"Dad. Again."** I sighed,** "hey, hey, Maddie, wanna go to that new club downtown?" **

**"I'd love too! Chris coming too?" **she laughed and I heard her rustling through a drawer.

**"Yeah, think so. Most likely." **

**"Man Rain, he has the hots for you. AhHA here it is!" **I heard her slam the drawer shut.

**"Madison, no. Here's what?"**

**"ID you idiot." **

**"Thanks Maddie. Oh yeah, can I crash with you tonight?" **I asked.

**"Yeah yeah sure. I'll pick you guys up in half an hour kay? I gotta change. You need me to bring you anything?" **Her voice was already distracted, as though she had stopped listening. I sighed.

**"Nope, I'm fine Maddie, thanks." **I hung up and put the phone on the bedside table.

"Maddie's gonna pick us up in half an hour, kay Chris?" I poked him. "Earth to Chris, wake up,"

"Oh...yeah. Sorry Rain. Right. Maddie. Half hour. Okay." He shook his head and stood up. I raised my eyebrow.

"You okay?" I asked him. He looked unsteady on his feet.

"Yeah, I'm fine Rain. Just thinking."

"Well that's dangerous Chris. Don't hurt yourself, there." I joked trying to lighten his mood.

"Thanks Raina. Thanks." he muttered. I winced.

"Okay Chris, something's up, now tell me." I ordered. He looked at me, blue eyes serious.

"It's just...I like this girl. I mean, really like her, and...she doesn't like me..and Im not even sure she knows I exist. It sucks, you know?" I was surprised at the jealousy running through my veins. Chris had had girlfriends before, and I'd had boyfriends. Why was I suddenly jealous?

_  
Could it be you & I  
Never imagined  
Could it be suddenly I'm fallin' for you  
Could it be you were right here beside me and I never knew  
Could it be that it's true  
It's you and it's you_

"Oh...I bet she knows you exist Chris, how could she not? You're too awesome to not exist, don't worry." I told him. He smiled and sat back down.

"If you say so Rain," Chris got up and left the room, presumably to go tell mom he was leaving for a few hours. I could hear their voices in the next room. Tuning them out, I looked at the pictures on the wall again.

There was another of him and me, this time at our grade eight graduation, Chris in a black dress shirt and red tie, me in a knee length light blue dress and black high heels. A little above that one there was one of Chris and his father. Chris was about 13 and they were standing on a dock, Chris holding a fishing rod in one hand and a large fish in the

other. Beside that one was him and an ex girlfriend of his. I recognized Julie, who'd moved away, to B.C. two years ago. We'd never been friends, but remembered that when she'd broken up with him in her last letter, he was pretty upset. In the picture, he'd had his arms wrapped around her waist, and was kissing her cheek. She was smiling, but looked a little uncomfortable as the camera caught the kiss. Inexplicable jealousy lanced through me and I wondered why he still had the picture.

"You ready Rain?" Chris asked, coming to sit beside me on the bed. I jumped.

"Jeez Chris are you _trying_ to give me heart failure?!" I screeched. He shook his head.

"No, but Maddie's here. Shall we go?"

"Yeah. Hold on, let me fix my hair." I stood up and ran into the bathroom. Pulling out mom's hair spray, I quickly put the few hairs that had escaped back into place. Sneaking downstairs, I grabbed my boots, and Chris' converse, our jackets and ran back upstairs.

"You ready now?" Chris asked as I threw him his jacket. I nodded and pulled my boots on, lacing them up quickly.

"Okay lets bounce!" I exclaimed, pulling my jacket on. Chris shook his head, opened the window and jumped out onto the cold roof and I quickly followed. This was the part I hated. Walking unafraid to the edge of the roof and sitting down, Chris threw his legs over the edge and held his hand out for me.

"Hey, it's okay Rain. I'll catch you if you fall, okay?" he whispered in my ear. I nodded and he kissed my cheek and jumped off before I could even register what he'd done, landing in the ferns five feet below. Holding my breath I jumped off, bending my knees to absorb the impact. As usual, I was okay, and we rushed off to Maddie's car. Jumping into the backseat of her yellow '05 Mustang we sped off into the night, laughter in our voices and music in our ears.

By the time we'd reached the club, it was about nine and it was only beginning to fill up. While we waited for the bouncer to get to us, we listened to the music we could barely hear from inside. It sounded like some good stuff.

"I wonder who the DJ here is?" Maddie asked, shivering.

"I don't know, maybe it's Ron. Sounds kind of like him." Maddie nodded in agreement. Ron was a local DJ, and happened to be one of my exes, but we got along okay still.

"ID please." the rough cold voice had us scrambling for our ID cards. The bouncer wasn't one we knew, and didn't sound friendly. Handing him our cards he looked at the closely. "Okay, go on in. Leave your jackets in the coat room." We nodded and ran into the warmth. Putting out jackets in an abandoned corner, we went up the stairs and stopped dead.

The dance floor was huge! There were strobes and black lights, and a bar on one end and places to sit on the other. Smoke machines spewed thick smoke until you could barely see the ground.

Then there was the people! Most people were dancing, grinding, or standing in groups talking. A few were at the bar, and there were a few couples in corners making out.

"Lets go!" I cried. Taking Chris and Maddie's hands, we rushed out onto the dance floor. Looking up at the DJ, I saw it was actually Ron. I caught his eye through the smoke and waved. He waved back and motioned us up there. Laughing we ran up, past the big bouncer guarding the DJ's box and onto the small stage around him.

_"_What's up Ron?" I yelled. He grinned and I wondered why I'd ever left him. He had a beautiful, sincere smile.His blue eyes lit up and he pushed his dark blonde hair out of his face. Pulling his headphones off his ears and around his neck, Ron shouted out a welcome.

"I hope you three are dancing for me tonight. I need better dancers." He yelled. I looked at Maddie and she nodded. Chris on the other hand looked mutinous.

_"_Chris c'mon it'll be fun!" Maddie yelled. He nodded but still looked angry. I shook my head and turned back to Ron.

"Of course we'll dance! It's why we live!" I joked. He winked and beckoned me closer.

"Hey, later, when I'm off, wanna take a drive?" His voice was soft and sweet. It sent shivers down my spine, but unlike before, they were shivers of distaste.

"Ron, hon, you know I don't roll that way. I don't fuck the guys I'm not dating." I snapped. Oh yeah. That was why I'd left him. Horny bastard. I turned and walked away, heading for the stage, Maddie and Chris behind me.

_'Cause today is the start of the rest of our lives   
I can see it in your eyes  
And it's real, and it's true  
It's just me and you  
Could it be that it's you _

"Maddie can you be the opening act? I want to talk to Rain for a second okay?" Chris called. I stopped and looked at him, surprised. Maddie nodded, a knowing look in her eyes. We stopped and watched her walk out onstage and begin to dance, bringing cheers from the guys as her body swayed and moved to the music, revealing her skills in dancing and fine body. The guys kept whistling and she kept dancing.

"Rain, what did he want?" Chris asked, bending closer to hear. I shook my head.

"Nothing Chris. It's fine," I told him. He shook his head and asked again.

"I want to know. I want to know so I know whether to beat on him or not."

"Chris! No! He just wanted to know what I was doing after the party. I said no."

"Okay..." He took my hand and we walked onstage. Immediately, before the lights blinded me, I saw Joyce and a few others. Beckoning them up, I began to dance too. I lost myself in the music, swaying and spinning to the beat. The whistles got louder, and then suddenly Joyce and her crew was there.

"Hey!" I yelled in her ear, still dancing.

"Hey! Lets give 'em a show eh?" She yelled back. I nodded and we danced closer, lights washing over us. It was like being drunk again. I danced briefly with Chris, till Maddie came up and stole him. So I turned, fighting down the anger at his leaving and danced with Joyce. We started grinding, and a spotlight suddenly illuminated us. The crowd cheered and whistled, but we refused to give them what they wanted. There was no way I was kissing Joyce, I am not bi. We danced, closer and faster, oblivious to everything around us. Soon, Joyce was replaced by Maddie, when Joyce needed to sit down and drink. Soon after that, Maddie was replaced by Chris.

"Hey," he whispered in my ear, pulling me against him. We started grinding, and I was closer to him than I'd been with Maddie and Joyce.

"Hey, thought you would have danced with me before this, love." I whispered back. Suddenly, the spotlights dimmed, and the music stopped.

"All right, all right, here's to all of y'alls lovebirds out there_," _Ron's voice came out of the speakers, soft and muted by the song he was interrupting. It was a nice song, but I wasn't familiar with it.

"C'mon Rain, wanna dance?" Chris whispered in my ear. I nodded, and started to walk off the stage. We got off the stage and down to where everyone else was dancing. The floor was full of couples, and I was slightly jealous, that I was only dancing with Chris as a friend. Arghhh again with the Chris thoughts! I shook my head and turned to face him, wrapping my arms around his neck as he pulled me closer and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"Rain...nothing that happens will ever mess up our friendship, right? No matter what?" His voice was soft in my ear, and was full of sadness. I brought my head up from his shoulder and looked at him in surprise.

"Chris, I don't know where this is coming from, but no. I will always love you, no matter what, okay?" I told him. He stiffened and I looked at him, confused.

"Don't say it unless you mean it Raina," Chris whispered.

"I do mean it Chris, Rain."

"Okay, you lost me. I mean it, I always have, and always will. Nothing will change that. Ever, okay?" I was really confused.

"If you're sure...don't hate me," I had enough time to give him a look before he kissed me. I was shocked. I mean, wow. My best friend is kissing me! His lips were warm and soft, tasting of mint. He pulled away and looked at me, as though I might hurt him.

_  
Could it be you & I  
Never imagined  
Could it be suddenly I'm fallin' for you_

_Could it be you were right here beside me and I never knew  
Could it be that it's true  
It's you and it's you  
_


	6. Throwing It All Away

1Opening my eyes, I wasn't sure whether I was dreaming or awake. The voices that "Goddamnit Claire, they're sleeping! Together! In the same room!" Dad hissed.

"Oh my _God_, Paul, they're just sleeping! They haven't _done_ anything." mom whispered. Dad got angrier.

"And how would you know Claire? They could have! They've been cooped up in that room all night!" Mom shifted from one foot to the other.

"Well...no. They haven't. They got back about an hour ago. Don't yell at them, they don't deserve it."

"_What!?_" Dads voice rose to a shriek.

"I told them to go out. They're almost eighteen for god's sake. Chris should be allowed out, with his friends." Mom's voice was quiet, and a smack echoed through the quiet rooms, shattering the pre-dawn silence. I opened my eyes. Okay...this wasn't a dream. Then the memories came rushing back, as Chris sat up on the bed, looking around.

"Don't you tell me how to raise that boy! He should be allowed out, yes, but with _my_ permission! I also don't think he should be going out to clubs. Especially not with that...that _girl._" I sat up on the beanbag chair, confused. What was wrong with me hanging out with Chris? We'd been friends forever.

"I'm not telling you how! I'm adding my opinion. That's allowed, or have you outlawed that too? Hmm?" Chris' mom snapped. Once again, the sickly sound of skin hitting skin broke the pre-dawn silence. Chris jumped up off the bed and ran out into te hall, yelling.

"Don't you fucking touch her! Don't you ever touch her again!" He yelled. I sat up, wiping the remaining eyeliner off.

"Don't you _dare_ tell me what to do boy! I will not have your lip this early." I could almost see Chris get ever more angry. I walked to the doorway and leaned against the frame, looking for mom.

"Rain, hon-." Chris started, but dad cut him off.

"See Claire? See? Look at her! They've done something!" He screamed. Chris and I gaped.

"Uhm...explain?" I asked, voice scratchy from sleep.

"Don't mouth at me missy! As it is, I don't want you in this house anymore, got me?" Chris' dad yelled. I gaped once more.

"Dad!" Chris gasped, "she's not leaving-"

"Yeah, Chris, I think I will. I'm not stupid. I know when I'm not wanted." I glared at Chris' father, hating him. Mom gasped, and shook her head.

"No, Rain, honey, don't go...please?" she whispered. I looked at her, eyes red and face slightly swollen, and felt bad for her.

"No, mom, I'm going to go. I can think of other places I can be. It doesn't matter," I turned and walked back into Chris' room to get my stuff. Gathering up yesterdays outfit and throwing it into my bag, I turned to leave and bumped into Chris.

"Rain..." he whispered.

"I have to go Chris."

"I'm sorry...I'll see you at school later, okay?" I sighed and went to push past him, but he caught me around the waist and held me tight.

"Yeah Chris...bye." he let go and turned around, to face the door. Dad was standing there, looking thunderous. I pushed past him and flew down the stairs to the front hall. Lacing up my

boots up, with no regard to the fact that I was in a t-shirt and shorts, I ran out the door, not looking back.

_I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears  
And if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave  
'Cause your presence still lingers here  
And it won't leave me alone_

Running down the sidewalk, I could hear their voices raise again, but they were soon drowned out by the cars. When I reached the corner separating my street from Chris' I stopped. Waiting for the crossing light to change, I caught my breath, forcing down the hurt and the anger. Hurt that dad would assume that Chris and I had done something, for thinking I was that kind of girl. Angry that he hadn't asked for our side of the story, angry at Chris for not yelling back. But that was a stupid thing to yell about. His dad would have killed him.

_**Flashback**_

_**"C'mon Rain, we gotta go home now. It's like two o' clock!" Chris whispered in my ear. I nodded, and we let go of eachother. Finding Maddie however was another story. It was hard to see through the lights, and the smoke seemed to have doubled. The dance floor was still full, and it was hard to see anyone. **_

_**"There! I think I see her. In the corner, with...uhmm who is she with?" I asked. Chris shook his head. **_

_**"I don't know. But they look somewhat familiar." Chris answered. We weaved through the crowd and over to Maddie, where I propped my elbows up on her shoulder and whispered in her ear,**_

_**"Hey love, time to go, kay?" She nodded.**_

_**"Yeah Rain, lets go." She stood up and the two guys looked at her expectantly. She shook her head, "sorry boys, I already told you no," **_

_**"Well then what was with the flirting? You's a player girl," One of them said. He was a big guy, with a huge ass afro and a random comb sticking out of it. I glared at him.**_

_**"Bitch please. She said no, so back the fuck off." I snapped and we walked away laughing. Maddie dropped us off back at Chris' and we snuck in through the bathroom window. Chris ran upstairs to tell mom we were back, and I walked into his room. Changing into my pjs, I lay down on the bed, exhausted, and closed my eyes, just till Chris came back. Next thing I knew, there was shouting.**_

_**End Flashback.**_

Sighing, I crossed the street, heading towards my house. Halfway down the street, I stopped and realized what I was wearing. Ohmigodshit! I ran full speed towards my house, jumping behind the bush in front of my window, just as a cop drove past. Closing my eyes, I reached up and pushed the window open. Jumping inside, boots thudding lightly on the hardwood floors. Sighing, I flopped down onto my bed and fell back asleep. I didn't hear the alarm go off, didn't hear Aly shut it off, and barely heard dad yelling at her. What I did hear, however, was my father throwing my door open and stomping into my room.

"Goddamnit Raina! Where were you last night? Why didn't you call? What the fuck do you think you're doing creeping in you window at 4 a.m.?" He yelled. I rolled over and looked at him, sleep clouding my eyes.

"Fuck off...can you not see me sleeping? Or would it actually kill you to let me sleep?" I snarled. I stretched, with no regard to the fact that I had cuts on my wrist, and nothing covering them.

"Don't you fucking talk to me like that, you fucking whore. I am not in the mood so don't fucking start."

"What part of fuck off don't you understand?" I rolled over, putting my back to him and pulled the covers up to my chin. He screamed in frustration.

"Argh! That's it! You're fucking hopeless! I give up!" He yelled, stomping out of the room. I closed my eyes, tears leaking out from under the lids. I heard the door open.

"Rain...? You okay?" It was Aly. I wiped my eyes and rolled over to look at her.

"Oh my God, Aly, honey, what happened?" I gasped, looking at her. Her right eye was blackened, and her lip split. Tears had made tracks down her face, and she looked a mess.

"Oh Rain..." She whispered. I sat up, holding out my hand. She took it, and I pulled her into a big hug.

"Aly...was it dad? Dad did this?" I whispered. She started crying again.

"After you left...some people came by, and I guess they made him mad..." she mumbled.

_  
These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase_

"Oh God Aly...I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry," I told her. Tears came to my eyes, and rage filled me. My ears rang and my vision went dark for a second. It was my fault...I should have been there to help her. I shouldn't have been out partying, and with friends...especially making out with Chris. No. I should have been home, to protect my baby sister, or at least had Aly with me.

"What could you have done Raina?" She asked. I shook my head.

"If he had touched you, I would have killed him Aly. I would have fucking killed him," I repeated.

"He would have hit back Rain, you know that. He would have obliterated you,"

"Then I would have gone down with a fight, given him some bruises." she pulled back and looked at me. I stood up and walked to the door, pausing to pull a sweater on, then continued downstairs.

"Rain, Raina, no! Don't do it! It's just a bruise, I'm okay! I swear!" I ignored her, stomping down the stairs into the kitchen, where dad was starting a bowl of cereal.

"_Dad!_" I screamed, at the top of my lungs. He looked up, surprised that I'd yell like this. Aly came rushing into the room behind me and tried dragging me back. I shook her off and glared at my father.

"What Raina?" His voice was calm and cool. I screamed again, stars dancing in front of my eyes.

"You fucking hit her! What the fuck did you hit her for? What the fuck was so goddamn fucking bad you had to _hit _Aly? Fuck you, okay? Fuck you." I kept screaming and swearing at him, but he just sat there, looking at me like I was insane. I could not take it anymore. I was so mad, and trying to get him to pay attention to me was impossible. He was too focused on the damn cereal. Well, I'll take care of that, I thought savagely.

"What's wrong Rain?" Dad asked, as though I had just come into the room. I rolled my eyes and glared, walking up to the table, and leaning across it putting my face in front of his.

"Fuck you. If you ever hit Aly again, I will fucking kill you. You fucking got me? So fuck you," I snarled in his face. Then, I took the bowl of cornflakes and threw it into his face, smashing the bowl in his face. I heard Aly gasp, as I stormed out of the kitchen, up to my room.

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me  
_

Slamming my door shut, I turned to my bag, and pulled out the pair of skinny jeans and a band tee. After I'd finished changing, I went to th bathroom and washed my hair in the sink; I'd have to wait till after school for a proper shower.

When I got to school, I looked around the empty halls in shock. What time was it? I looked at my phone and saw two things. One was a text from Xav, the other was that it was five to eight. About an hour and a half till school started.

"Fuck!" I yelled to the empty halls. I forgot to look at the time before I left. Sighing, I looked back down at the small phone, reading the text Xav had sent me.

**"Raina, I have to talk to you. Please give me a chance" **I sighed and sent a text back. I could never stay mad at Xavier.

"**Get your ass to the school, now, and we'll talk" **I went to the locker bay and sat down at the back, watching for Xav. If he'd been up, he'd be at school in about ten minutes. Closing my eyes, I leaned back against the wall and put my headphones in, cranking the volume up.

"Raina, what's wrong?" I blinked in shock as someone pulled out a headphone to talk to me.

"Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaysus Xav. Don't fucking do that!" I gasped. I paused the music, trying to slow my heart down. Smiling hesitantly, he stood there watching me. I looked up at Xav. He had

blond hair, blue eyes and a killer smile. Today he had an Atreyu shirt and baggy jeans, and his black skater shoes. I shook my head and patted the space next to me. He sat down, looking somewhat relieved as I shifted my body to face him.

"Rain..."

"You, Xavier, have a-_lot_ of explaining to do." my voice was cold and he flinched slightly.

"I know Rain..." he mumbled.

"So?" I waited.

"I have no reason Rain. I overreacted."

"Uhmm...duh?" I muttered.

"Well what do you want me to say? Hm? Tell me that, what do you want me to say?" He snapped. I raised my eyebrow.

"Oh gee Xav, I have no idea...how bout, oh here's an idea, how bout I'm sorry? Or is that too fucking hard for you?" I snapped. I grabbed my bag, twisting the strap, imagining it to be Xav's neck.

"Fine Raina. I'll tell you what you want to hear. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I fucking hurt you, I'm sorry I'm in this fucking mess, I'm especially sorry I'm in this fucking relationship. Is that what you wanted to hear?" Xav yelled in my face. I glared back and stood up, grabbing my bag.

"Whatever Xavier." I walked to my locker and threw it open. Throwing my bag into it, I grabbed my bank card and slammed the door shut.

"Where you heading?" He asked, standing beside me.

"Breakfast. Comin'? There's a bus in," I checked my phone again, "three minutes. We can grab food and get back by nine fifteen-ish,"

"Sure, why not," I looked at Xav for a second, as he opened his mouth to say something else. He shook his head and walked off towards the bus stop. Running after him, suddenly feeling a little less upset, I jumped on his back.

"Piggyback!" I yelled. He grabbed my legs to keep me steady and ran through the doors to the bus stop, just as it pulled up. Pulling my bus pass out of my back pocket, I flashed it at the bus driver and, still on Xav's back, we got on the bus.

"You are such a kid Rain. Now get off," Xav told me, dumping me onto the seat next to him. I huffed as I hit the plastic.

"I love being a kid Xav, it's fun." I told him, smiling. He shook his head, smiling slightly.

"Sure Rain. So where we goin'?" Xav asked.

"I don't know. Where you wanna go?" I answered, plugging in a headphone.

"Tim Hortons!" He yelled, then looked around, laughing, at the people who stared at him.

"Of course you wanna go there. Shouldn't have asked. Okay, Timmy's it is." I pulled the cord for the next stop, and we got off, right in front of the Timmy's.

"What do you want? Doughnut?" I asked. He nodded, eyes lighting up.

"Hells yes I want a damn doughut!" He exclaimed. We walked in, and it wasn't that full. Walking up to the counter, I saw Jess behind it.

"Jess! You dyed your hair! I love it!" Jess' hair was originally dark brown but she'd dyed it a bright red. It looked awesome on her.

"Chyea! The usual, right?" She asked. I smiled and nodded. "Okay, be right back with that,"

"That's pathetic Rain. Really pathetic," Xav told me. He didn't know Jess. I guess it kinda was pathetic, but hey, Timmy's is cheap and good, Jess was just a bonus.

"Here ya go Rain. Hot chocolate, and an apple fritter. What do you want?" She asked Xav.

"Chocolate doughnut and a hot chocolate please," She nodded and bounced away. "She's _hot_!" Xav hissed at me. I smacked him.

"Oh, _hell _no Xav. 'Sides, she's got a guy." I snapped. Taking the bag with our food in it, I threw it at Xav and pulled out a ten.

"Thanks Rain! See you later!" Jess exclaimed, giving me my change. I nodded, took the drinks and we walked out, back into the cold.

"Shit, it's freezing out here. When's thebus come?" Xav asked. I looked at my phone. The entire thing, including the bus ride had taken less than twenty-five minute_s. _The bus wouldn't come for another ten. I told Xav and he rolled his eyes and shoved his doughnut in his mouth. I wasn't really hungry, so I tucked my food into my pocket, sipping my hot chocolate instead.

"Xav...?" I asked. I wasn't totally sure what I was going to say, but, whatever.

"Yeah Rain?" His voice was muffled, cause of the doughnut in his mouth. I shook my head.

"Never mind Xav." I turned away, taking a sip of my drink. It burned my throat, but tasted great.

"No, Rain, what is it? I know you were upset earlier, so tell me." I sighed. Xav was concerned but still, I didn't really want to tell him.

"Nevermind. There's the bus." I told him, walking away before he could respond. I went to the back of the bus. It was filled with the catholic school kids. Great. This was going to be fun.

"Raina, hold up!" Xav called from the front of the bus. I shook my head and sat at the back of the bus, where two seats were left. Xav walked up the aisle and pushed the guy about to sit next to me away.

"Xav, that was not nice," I told him as the guy started spazzing at him. Xav just flipped him off and turned back to me.

"Raina, there is something seriously wrong, and I want to help you. I want to know what's wrong."

"Never mind Xav. It's nothing, kay?" I turned away, looking out the window. I kind of really wanted to tell Xav bout dad, but not really.

"Raina...is it your dad again?" He asked. I turned and looked at him, rolling my eyes. Oh, payback time.

"My dad? Pffft. Wasn't it you that said I was faking it? What was it you said? Oh, "you only pretend to have a bad home life', wasn't that what you said?" I snapped. He flinched.

"I...kay, Rain, you know I don't think that, okay? You know I was wrong, or you should." Xav snapped back. I wasn't really in the mood.

"Oh. Right. Sure, if you say so."

"Rain...tell me. Tell me what's wrong." His voice went soft. I rolled my eyes and spat,

"Wrong? Nothing's _wrong_, except...oh no...what was it? Right. My father is a drunken fag, and he fucking beat my sister and you know why I wasn't there? I wasn't there because I was

being a fucking party whore. Is that enough?" I watched his expression change as he processed the information.

_You used to captivate me  
By your resonating light  
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind_

_Your face it haunts  
My once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away  
All the sanity in me_

"Holy shit Rain." I rolled my eyes and pulled the cord for the stop. When the bus stopped, I threw in my other earphone and almost ran off the bus. There were more people here now. I walked past the group of smokers, into the school. Almost running, I reached the locker

bay before Xav. I didn't really feel like facing my friends right now, they'd only piss me off more. So, instead, I walked up to Alex, and he wordlessly wrapped his arms around me. I sighed, leaning against him. Chris wasn't here yet.

"You gonna be okay Rain?" Alex asked. I thought about it.

"Yeah, I'm fine Alex. Promise." I told him.

"Raina!" I heard my name and turned around. It was Chris. I closed my eyes and waited as he came running up. I couldn't help noticing how good he looked.

"Hey Chris," the closer he got, the more I noticed. He looked tired and hassled, but he wore a smile on his face, even though it was fake.

"Rain, oh hon, I'm sorry dad kicked you out, I'm sorry-" I cut him off.

"Chris...it's okay love, I swear. I had to leave anyway." I told him. He looked skeptical.

"At four a.m.?" He snapped. I shook my head.

"Actually, I didn't even mean to sleep there Chris. I meant to go home." I said. Something apparently had happened after I'd left.

"Woah, you slept over at Chris'?" Alex said, looking interested. I rolled my eyes.

"We were out most of the night Alex. And we didn't do anything." Well, it was the sort of truth. Nothing big. I looked sideways at Chris, and he smiled.

"Uh huh right." Alex smirked, and left, leaving us to our talk.

"Okay Chris, what happened?" I asked. He looked away.

"Nothing," he answered. I rolled my eyes.

"Mhm and why aren't you telling me?" I questioned. He swung his gaze over to me, but still refused to look me in the eye, instead gazing somewhere over my head.

"There's nothing to tell Rain." His voice was flat and expressionless. I grabbed his chin and yanked downwards so I could look at him.

"Eyes down here bud, now what's wrong?"

"After you left...Dad...Oh Rain..." He leaned against the wall, looking down.

"What did he do? Are you okay?" I asked, worried in spite of myself. Yeah, Chris can take care of himself, but still.

"No...Rain, he said I couldn't see you anymore..."

"W-what? Define 'see'...he wouldn't..." I couldn't breathe. Live...without Chris? No way. We'd been a big part of eachother's lives since we were six.

"See as in...not hang out...definitely not date..." he whispered. The room spun and I had to reach out and grab something.

"But..." I could almost feel my heart breaking.

"Rain? Raina? Raina!" I could hear Chris calling me, but it was as if he was far away. I can't, I thought wildly. I can't live without Chris. Never see him? Never talk to him? Oh God. This can't be happening. Almost without thinking I turned and ran, leaving Chris behind. I slipped farther away from my self, slipped into memories.

_**Flashback.**_

_**"Oh Rain, it's just a scrape, you're fine honey, I promise," mom's voice, soft and comforting. I was six, and I'd fallen off my bike, for the third time that day. Mommy and Daddy were trying to teach me to ride without training wheels. This time though, I'd managed to let go of Daddy's hand and ride a few feet. Feeling proud, I'd looked back at my parents to see if they were watching. That's when I'd fallen and scraped my knee. **_

_**"But...it hurts mommy!" I'd wailed. That's when I had seen the boy and his mother. The boy was on a bike, with no training wheels. I was instantly jealous.**_

_**"You okay, girl?" He'd called. Mommy stood up to greet the mother, introducing me to the boy. His name was Chris. Back then, he'd had short, light brown hair, freckles and a big smile across his face as he held out his hand to help me up. **_

_**"I'm Raina," I told him shyly. **_

_**"Cool. Did you just move here? I've never seen you around before." He asked. I looked around for daddy, but he'd gone inside, and mommy was talking with the mother. **_

_**"Yes...we came here just last week. I'm starting school in the fall!" I'd added proudly. **_

_**"Wow, me too! Hey, I'll know someone!" He'd exclaimed. **_

_**"Yay! Sit with me on the bus?" I asked shyly. I wasn't really outgoing then, so it'd be hard to make friends. **_

_**"Of course!" From that day on, we'd been best friends.**_

_**End Flashback.**_

"Raina!_ Rain!_ Come on, you with me?" This time it was Alex calling my name. I shook the memories out of my head and nodded.

"Yeah. Sorry. Thinking. Where's Chris?" I asked. Alex looked relieved.

"He uh...he left Rain. He's waiting at the bus stop." Alex answered, looking at me kind of funny. Bus stop? What?

"Bus stop?" I asked, confused.

"Yeah...it's after school. You know, when people go home? Are you okay Rain? You've been...akward...since this morning." I cast around for a good excuse. I came up with nothing. Had I really been daydreaming all day? What happened?

_These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase_

"Alex...don't get worried...but what happened today? All I remember..." I had to know.

"I don't know Rain. You've been on autopilot all day...you didn't even talk to Xav, or Maddie, or even Chris. Did you guys have a falling out?"

"I...don't know. I know...his dad told him we couldn't see each other anymore. 'See' as in...no talking, no dating, no hanging out, no...nothing. Then the next thing I know, I'm here with you." I must have looked pretty upset cause Alex immediately investigated.

"Dating?" He asked. I nodded and led the way out of the school, towards the bus stop.

"Yeah..."

"When did this happen? How did this happen? Were you drunk?" Alex asked, smiling. I picked up a handfull of snow and threw it down the back of his jacket.

"Uh...well, nothing really happened. Like...we aren't _together _but...I don't know..." I couldn't answer him. We climbed on the bus, staying near the middle while Maddie and Chris went to the back. We sat together, and he leaned a little closer to hear the rest.

"Go on..."

"Well, I went to his house last night, then Maddie joined us and we went to the new club downtown...things kind of...escalated from there?" I didn't really want to tell Alex all of yesterday, especially not the cutting part. I absentmindedly put my hand over my wrist, which was hidden by bracelets and wristbands.

"Keep talkin' this is getting good." I rolled my eyes.

"I fell asleep in the beanbag chair in his room and he fell asleep on the bed. Dad thought we'd done stuff, but we didn't. Except...the kissing part..but still-"

"Kissing?" Alex cut me off, "You kissed him? Or he kissed you? I thought you guys were too tight to end up together?"

"Well...I don't know...we've kind of always liked eachother...I guess. It just sort of...exploded last night." I could still feel his arms around me, see the expression in his eyes; scared, happy, embarrassed and nervous. I sighed.

"Okay. Well, what happened after you guys fell asleep?" Ale's voice brought me back to the present.

"His dad saw us and assumed shit, and then kicked me out, and now has forbidden Chris to see me."

"Shit that's bad. What are you guys gonna do about it?" Alex asked. I sighed. I didn't know. Hell, I wasn't even sure Chris was still talking to me after being avoided all day. I slipped back into silence, as Alex's stop came up. He got off, waving as the bus pulled away. I kept silent, not going to the back of the bus where Chris was, and barely waving as he got off at his stop. I pulled the cord for my stop and got off. Walking into the house, I ignored my father, who had a black eye, heading straight up to my room. Closing the door, I pulled my big dj headphones out of the drawer and plugged them into my ipod, cranking the volume up.

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me_

A few hours later, I sat up, disoriented. I'd thought I'd heard tapping, but it was kind of impossible. Wait, where'd my music go? I looked around, and noticed my headphones were on the ground beside my bed. What the fuck? The tapping sound came again.

"Raina!" Walking over to the window, I opened it. There was Chris standing under my window.

"What the _fuck_?"

"Come down? Or should I come in?" He called quietly.

"Come in? Haha no." I whispered. Sudden footsteps pounded up the stairs and towards my room.

"Rain?"

"Go! Chris, it's dad, go!" I hissed, turning around just as dad slammed through my bedroom door. I back against the window, propping myself onto the sill.

"Who do you think you are missy?" He yelled. I wondered if Chris was still there.

"Uhm what?" I did...what this time?

."What makes you think you make the rules in this house? Hmmm?" He was still yelling. I heard a leaf crack some few feet behind me and sighed. Of course.

"Dad?" I asked. He looked at me, surprised I was being so civilized. Well. He wouldn't like this. I moved my hand so it was sticking out the window, and felt Chris tug gently. Kay, good.

"What?" He snarled. I looked at him and smirked.

"Go fuck yourself." I told him. I went to go lean out the window so I could run, but Dad surprised me. He lunged forward and grabbed my leg, yanking me inside. I barely missed getting beaned in the head by the windowsill.

"_Fuck you_!" He screamed in my face. I rolled my eyes and looked past him as he kept yelling. "Who do you think you are? Do you think you make the rules? That you matter? Well you don't!" Dad kept screaming.

"Huh?" He totally lost it then. I felt a sharp slap bring me back to reality, followed by a weird flying sensation. Till I hit the wall, hard. My knees buckled and I hit the floor. Stars danced in my eyes, and blackness ate at the corners of my vision. I tried to think through the pain. Dad...hit me? I tried to shake my head but it hurt too much. Dimly I heard dad leave my room, slamming the door on the way out.

"Raina!" I could hear my name. But I couldn't answer. I shook my head, trying to clear the fog gathering in my brain.

"Chris...go way," I mumbled, pushing his hand off me.

_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
But though you're still with me  
I've been alone all along_

"Okay, okay, just tell me you're going to be okay, about everything..." He moved and I caught a whiff of something vaguely familiar, and not at all nice.

"I'm fine..go away" So..he was leaving, for good. I tried to harden my heart against the pain. He wasn't mine anyway, so it shouldn't be so bad, right? Wrong. Knowing that Chris had left, for good, and the only time I'd see him was at school, in the halls, tore me apart. I curled up where I was, hugging my knees to my chest, and cried.

Dimly I heard Aly leave, then dad start the car and roll out of the driveway. Standing up, I wiped my eyes, rubbing the tears out. Suddenly, I caught another sniff of the same stuff as before, when Chris was here. I searched my memory...weed?! How could I smell weed on Chris? He didn't smoke, he'd sworn he'd never, after my dad had gotten clean. That was some ugly shit when he was baked.

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me_

Sighing, I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and called Alex. He answered on the first ring.

"**Sup Rain?" **he asked.

"**Alex, I need a good time. You up for it?" **No, I didn't mean sex, he had a girlfriend. I meant a party.

"**Fuck yes. There's a good one downtown. I'll pick you up in..ten?" **I smirked into the phone.

"**Hell yeah boy." **I heard a click, and he'd hung up. I smiled and pulled out my makeup bag. Tonight, I was getting drunk, tomorrow, I'd show Chris I was just fine without him.

_**AN: sorry this took so long. The song is My Immortal - Evanescence. (To AB: heres the chapter love! 3)**_


End file.
